Friday, September 6, 2019

How To Save Your Relationship (6 Essential Steps) | Respark The Romance

How To Save Your Relationship (6 Essential Steps) By Brian Robbens

You’ve had good times, hard times, and everything in between. You’ve been through a lot together. And you don’t want to call it quits. Working on a relationship can be rewarding and even bring you closer together.

Respark the romance
Respark the romance

The first step is being willing to honestly look at issues and fix them while cultivating positive habits.
It’s easy to fall into ruts of miscommunication, hurt feelings, and bad relationship habits.
Those habits can ruin a relationship. John Gottman, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and the director of the “love lab” found indicators that a relationship wouldn’t work out.

Table Of Content:-
  • Don’t turn away; turn toward your partner
  • Avoid the harsh start up for conversations
  • Avoid the Toxic 4 Habits
  • Don’t focus on the negative; tip the scales to the positive side
  • Avoid “growing apart” with curiosity
  • Replace “I understand” with “I see what you’re saying”.

It’s well worth it to learn what NOT to do, and what to do instead to keep your love alive.

1. Don’t turn away; turn toward your partner

Let’s say your partner is sitting next to you and says, “There’s a new movie playing at the theater.”
Do you:
A. Make a noise and continue staring at your phone. 
B. Say, “Oh.” 
C. Say, “Oh, cool, what it is?” 
D. Look at your partner and ask, “What is it? Do you want to go?” 
Choice A is turning away. You’re ignoring your partner and showing that you don’t care.
Choice B is turn away too. It’s just not quite as rude.
Choice C is okay. You’re showing interest.
Choice D is turning toward your partner. You realized they were reaching out, acknowledged them, and reached back.
You can guess which response will make your partner feel closer.
Everyone makes small gestures like this, reaching out to connect. We start a conversation, try to engage the other, and show that we care.
If you pick up on these, you can show your partner that you notice them and appreciate them.
Turning toward your partner builds romance, trust, and communication, and avoids hurt feelings or anger.
If you reach out and your partner doesn’t notice or engage, don’t get angry. They might not see what you’re doing.
You can kindly explain that you’d like to connect more, and that was your way of reaching out to them.
Honestly goes a long ways, and so does sharing that you want to make things better.

2. Avoid the harsh start up for conversations

Coming at someone with criticism or statements that start with “always” or “never” kill communication.
An example would be: “You never help with chores around here.”
A better way of starting the conversation would be: “It was so helpful when you took the trash out last week.”
If you’re hurt or annoyed, start with something soft such as, “Something’s been bothering me, and I don’t think I can let it go without talking to you.” You want a positive outcome for the conversation. You’re more likely to get there if you start with a team mindset instead of attacking.

3. Avoid the Toxic 4 Habits

Four things kill relationships faster than anything:
• Criticism 
• Defensiveness
• Stonewalling 
• Contempt
No one likes to be criticized. It’s better to say something about the action than put the person down. You could also try praise for a positive behavior because people usually respond to that better.
Defensiveness is defending yourself, or even just explaining, when your partner tries to talk to you. It feels like you’re telling them they’re wrong.
Stonewalling usually follows the first two. This is one partner giving the other the cold shoulder, not talking, or avoiding. Sometimes the partner will be physically present but tunes the other out.
These first three lead to contempt, which is like the final nail in the coffin of a relationship.
Contempt is when someone really can’t stand the other. The person might mock them, roll their eyes, use sarcasm, sneer, gossip, and show outright hatred.
It’s like someone took all of their negative emotions and reactions and simmered them for a long time. You do not want your relationship to get to this point.
Hopefully you can catch things at an earlier stage.
If you see these behaviors in your relationship from you and/or your partner, ask to have a talk.
Look for better ways to communicate, such as the methods listed here.

4. Don’t focus on the negative; tip the scales to the positive side

In any situation, if you have a negative atmosphere, you’re not going to be happy.
If everyone at work talks about what they don’t like about the boss, the office, the schedules, and the pay, then everyone is going to feel like it’s not a good place to work.
The same is true in your relationship. You can choose to focus on negative things and hang onto them.
Or you can choose to look for positive things.
People tend to assume the worst. What if you made it a habit to assume the best about your partner?
Tell yourself they have the best intentions, and if they said something that hurt your feelings, it was an accident.
If something happens that feels hurtful, give them the benefit of the doubt.
In any situation, step back and ask yourself how you can see things in a more positive light.
This takes practice, but after a while you’ll be amazed at how your life and relationship are changing for the better.

5. Avoid “growing apart” with curiosity

Some couples get to the point that they don’t check in with each other. There are many milestones along the way to that point.
You might only ask them, “How was your day?” but not really know what’s going on in their life.
Think about if you really connect and know what’s stressing them, what they’re excited about, and what they’re trying to accomplish.
Think of a few unexpected questions to ask.
Sit down and explore different things like:
What’s changed in the last year?
Do you know any new people?
Is the atmosphere at work a good one, and why?
What are you hoping to see happen this year? In the next five years?
Do you have any concerns about life right now?
The point is to reconnect and really understand each other. You might find they’ve been dealing with something that’s been affecting the relationship, and you didn’t know.

6. Replace “I understand” with “I see what you’re saying”.

Terminology can make such a huge difference when you think about your words.
If you tell someone, “I understand,” it often annoys them. They don’t think that you do truly understand.
But if you say, “I see what you’re saying,” it implies that you can see their point of view.
“I see what you’re saying” doesn’t mean the other person is right, but it opens the door to talk about it more.
Other things that you can say and change the tone of the conversation include:
• I see your point
• Can we take a breather? 
• Is there a way to compromise on this? 
• Maybe we should start the conversation over. 
• Okay, so are you saying _______________. (Paraphrase to make sure you understand them.) 
• Does it seem like I’m understanding you? 
• I want to understand this. 
• I’m confused, but I want to work together. 
Implementing these 6 practices into your relationship will help communication, connection, and turn things around.

Thursday, September 5, 2019

10 Tips For A Happy Relationship | Respark The Romance

10 Tips For A Happy Relationship By Brian Robbens

We all want a happy relationship.
We know it takes time and effort, but that knowledge doesn’t always translate into the relationship we want. Do you look around at other couples and wonder how they’re so happy all the time?
Respark the romance
Respark the romance

Of course, what we see in public and on Facebook isn’t the whole picture by a long shot, but it can shake our confidence about our own relationship. The truth is, while a great relationship takes work, part of that work is relaxing and letting go of the little things that could bother you.
As you read through the following 10 tips, you’ll see that sometime we create problems, and the solution is to look at your partner with love and acceptance.
It’s a choice: do you want perfection or do you want to be happy?
And when you let go of some things, you’ll find that you might have the perfect relationship. You just had to see it!
Table Of Content:-
  • See your partner for who they are
  • Don’t bottle things up
  • Let go of the little stuff
  • Be the kind of person you want to be with
  • Show acts of kindness, especially small ones!
  • Never go to bed angry
  • Exercise Together
  • Find something you both enjoy doing and do it together regularly
  • Explore new things, places, and ideas together regularly
  • Learn how to talk about sex and make your sex life great

Here’s 10 ways you can make your relationship great, including some ways that you can change your perception for a big impact!

1. See your partner for who they are

We’re taught some gender expectations as we grow up, and then we get bombarded with ideas of what our romantic partner should be, and what they should do for us.
It’s hard not to look at your partner and see how they don’t measure up to social media posts and articles about the perfect partner.
Consider why you fell in love with your partner, and what they actually bring to the relationship, instead of wishing they could be like so-and-so’s husband, according to her Facebook posts.
If you have anger, bitterness, resentment, and other negative feelings about something, think about why you expect your partner to fulfill the need you’re upset about.
Is it a realistic expectation, based on who your partner is?
You’ll make your life so much easier, and your relationship so much better, if you set relationship expectations based on who your partner truly is, not who you think they should be, or who others expect them to be. 
This doesn’t mean to lower your standards or “settle” but simply to see the value your partner brings, and the good things they offer you.

2.  Don’t bottle things up

I’m including this tip because...well, I’m an expert at bottling things up and then growing resentful.
It starts with something small that offends me or hurts my feelings. I’m not the kind of person who will speak up immediately. Instead I’ll step back, trying to decide if I should feel the way I do.
And 99 times out of 100, I am upset. I realize I should have said something. At that point, I’ll expect my partner to realize their mistake. But it hardly ever works that way. So I mentally chew on it, and basically let it fester until a little thing is a huge issue.
Often, when you’re carrying around one hurt, other things get added in. The list grows. That makes it harder to start a conversation because it could become an attack with this long list of complaints.
See why it causes way more trouble than it should?
Unaddressed problems cause resentment, and that kills relationships.
If something has upset you and you can’t let go of it, you’re not doing yourself or your partner any favors by keeping it to yourself.
If you want a happy relationship, go to your partner to discuss things when they bother you, and don’t assume your partner’s intent. They probably didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s likely they have no idea that something is bothering you.
If something really bothers you, talk about it.

3. Let go of the little stuff

Yes, you should bring important issues up to your partner, but it’s also good to be loving, accepting, and not overly critical.
Imagine if you get irritated five times a day and talked to them about it. Nobody’s perfect. You mess up too, and do little things that could annoy others.
Take 32 year old Lindsey. Her husband always leaves a big mess on the stove when he cooks. For some people, that would be a big problem, and they would say something. However, Lindsey loves it when her husband cooks, and she’s okay with cleaning up.
Your partner might load the dishwasher differently, leave their shoes in the “wrong” place, or forget to put their towel in the wash. So you have to decide if it’s a little thing that you can let go...or if it’ll sit there and cause anger and distance.
If this little thing will cause problems, bring it up.
If it’s something that you can overlook, forget about it.
Ask yourself: is your partner loving and there for you when you need them? That’s what really matters.

4. Be the kind of person you want to be with

You might have a few friends who honestly believe they deserve an awesome partner who showers them with attention, listens all the time, and puts in way more effort.
Yes, we all deserve a special someone...but we should be willing to give that too!
It surprises me that so many people expect much more than they’re willing to put into a relationship.
Here’s a challenge for you: pull out your relationship dream list.
Come on, you probably have a list somewhere of all the qualities you want in your partner. If you’re in a relationship, you might have a list like this saved, or remember what you had on it. Or you might be in a relationship, and still have a mental list of what you wish your partner were doing.
Turn it around. Test yourself. Do you do all of the things you want from your partner? I’m sure you desire some qualities because you know you lack in them, or it’s a quality of the opposite sex.
But the idea is: do you offer the commitment, effort, flexibility, excitement, passion, ambition, and other things that you want from someone?
If you want your partner to be health conscious, then be health conscious and active.
Like attracts like! Try this tip out for attracting a partner and improving your current relationship.

5. Show acts of kindness, especially small ones!

If someone comes to our home, we show them courtesy and even special treatment. We offer this to strangers who call on the phone or people who help us as a part of their job.
Yet we don’t always use good manners and courtesy with the people we live with.
Imagine how your relationship would evolve if you showed loving kindness, acts of kindness both big and small, and common courtesy. What would your partner think tonight if you offered them a drink?
You can turn a relationship around with small acts of kindness. Take their car and fill it with gas or wash it. Do the dishes for them. Leave them a love note. Bring them a snack. Open the door and say, “After you”.
No matter what their “love language” is, they’ll be touched by an act of kindness.

6. Never go to bed angry

This saying has been around for ages, so we can trust that it truly helps any relationship.
Bedtime isn’t the time to bring up a big issue, but going to bed while angry causes big problems in a relationship. You don’t actually go to sleep, but rather both people often lay awake, getting angrier or more hurt.
For a happier relationship, consider these steps:
  • Agree to talk it over the next day so you’re not going to bed giving each other the silent treatment.
  • Affirm your love for your partner, even if you’re still in disagreement.
  • Set up a step you can both take to start working on the problem, and then let it go for the night.

There are times in every relationship when you need to have it out. There’s a big issue and it needs resolved.
If you’re so bothered by something that you’re fuming inside or very hurt, remember Tip #2 and bring it up.
But consider timing, and try to talk calmly to your partner if it’s late in the day so you’re both aware of what’s going on, and you can work on it later.

7. Exercise Together

Many issues in relationships can be solved when the couple does things together and has fun.
In fact, some issues will go away if a couple makes a commitment to getting closer.
One way to do that is to exercise together. You’ll be healthier and more satisfied with the relationship.
Couples report feeling sexier and more in love when they have some sort of physical activity together.

8.   Find something you both enjoy doing and do it together regularly

Exercising is awesome, and happy couples find many other ways to spend time together.
It’s surprising and sad how many couples live side by side lives. They share a home and a bed, but they have different hobbies and interests.
Most people like dinner and a movie...what about shooting pool or darts? You might have other activities you did while dating like hiking or road trips.
Some couples sign up for classes or start a new hobby together.
If you’re stumped, have each person make a list of everything they enjoy doing, plus things they want to try.
Compare lists and see if there’s something that overlaps, or the lists might inspire a new yet similar idea.
Sharing something is such a game changer, especially if you’ve grown part, feel like you’re in a rut, or feel that personally your growth as stagnated.
If you don’t feel that your relationship is a happy one, then perhaps you’re not sharing experiences together that would bring you closer, give you things to talk about, and create memories.

9. Explore new things, places, and ideas together regularly

Trevor and Cindy are one of those couples that seem super close and connected. They travel both around their state and the country, and even internationally every few years. They’re involved in the community and even have a small side business that they run together.
Some couples have things like this, but they’re so busy that they don’t seem close. The difference with Trevor and Cindy is they’re always discussing things and sharing ideas.
You can nurture a relationship like this by sharing audiobooks, visiting new places, discussing current affairs, and sharing new information and ideas.
Find things you’re excited about to discuss, like business, crafts, and hobbies. Attend seminars about personal growth, finance, relationships, and abundance, and then discuss them.
You might have a few interests that don’t overlap, but you can still share and learn about each other.

10. Learn how to talk about sex and make your sex life great

Sex is a funny topic. Some people shy away from talking about it, but it’s at the core of a romantic relationship. It’s not about keeping up with anyone else, but making sure that you and your partner are happy.
People have different needs, so communication is important.
If someone isn’t satisfied, it’s better to talk about what you can change instead of having one person be upset in silence.
Working on the other tips will benefit your sex life too. When people are closer and have more things in common, they connect better sexually as well.
A few ideas:
  • Send each other articles
  • Get flirty over texts
  • Plan date nights
  • Cultivate closeness and communication—this is a big turn on for women
  • Talk about turn ons and turn offs, and what each person wants to try
  • Explore together
  • Make a point of learning about sex together—you have the entire internet and hundreds of books to help!

Finally, think of ways to make your partner feel desired and sexy, and watch what it does for your sex life!
Having a happy relationship isn’t impossible or all that hard. It takes a commitment and willingness to communicate and learn.
Don’t think that you either have a happy relationship or you don’t. It’s a journey and process.
No matter where your relationship is at, implementing these tips will produce some favorable results

Respark the romance
Respark the romance

Wednesday, September 4, 2019

10 Secrets of Happy Couples | Respark The Romance

10 Secrets of Happy Couples By Brian Robbens

Happy couples really enjoy each other’s company. They’re supportive of one another. They even exhibit a vibrant sense of sexuality and romance. 
It’s a powerful combination!
Respark The Romance
Respark The Romance

The good news is you can have a happy relationship—without finding a new partner.
Achieving a happy relationship just takes developing the right habits and skills. It simply takes some “secret” information and a desire to make your relationship the very best. And by “secret,” I actually mean you can read it right here.
Happy couples simply have different habits than unhappy couples. It’s these habits that make their relationship so great. It takes around 21 days for new a behavior to become a habit, but you can reap the rewards from the habit right away. And after a few weeks, your new relationship behaviors will become habits and keep your relationship vibrant and happy.
Even if you slip up with the habits you choose to implement, just make a new commitment and keep going.
Table Of Content:-
  • Happy couples communicate and listen with an open mind and heart
  • Happy couples support each other’s happiness 
  • Happy couples make time for romance and sexuality
  • Happy couples don’t expect each other to change
  • Happy couples repair fights 
  • Happy couples have a sense of partnership
  • Happy couples go to bed at the same time
  • Happy couples walk side by side or holding hands
  • Happy couples say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every day
  • Happy couples check in with each other during the day

Let’s look at 10 habits that make couples happy couples—the last 3 might surprise you!

1.Happy couples communicate and listen with an open mind and heart

It’s all too easy to get into negative communication patterns and cycles.
We start out as a happy couple, but then little annoyances turn into the silent treatment, smack talk, nasty come backs, and it gets worse from there.
Even fun sassing can hurt feelings and lead to something worse if it’s not addressed.
As little things grow, you might see criticism and defending, demanding communication and withdrawal, and outright fighting. People start to feel like they’re not heard, that their partner doesn’t care, that the other person nags, or that the other person is always angry or passive-aggressive.
This is not grounds for a healthy relationship! So what do happy couples do differently?
They clear things up, which is another point we’ll talk about soon. Before that, they have different communication habits. Happy couples are more present when they’re communicating, really listening to the other person. That means listening to listen, not to plan what you want to say. Take a conversation and make it your goal to simply listen and see what you can do for your partner.
Happy couples hear the other’s needs and take them seriously. They validate the other person.
If you can listen with an open heart and mind, you can hear your partner better and create a sense of being on the same team.
That’s huge in relationships, and it can transform a relationship that’s going through a rough patch.

2.Happy couples support each other’s happiness 

People in a happy relationship think about their partner’s happiness, and show that by being thoughtful, celebrating the other’s success, and stepping up to do extra work when needed.
A happy relationship is a give and take. Sometimes, one person gives 150% because the other is sick, hurt, or going through something. And then things change, and the other person gives more. They both help the other because they love them and want them to be happy.
Happy couples don’t keep score—nothing is ever truly equal, but you can both do things and show love in different ways. And people in a happy relationship are truly happy for the other when they succeed. It’s not a competition, but a partnership.
You can tell a lot about a relationship if you watch how they react to good news from the other.
You can make a huge difference in your relationship by being enthusiastic about your partner’s personal and professional achievements.

3. Happy couples make time for romance and sexuality

Happy couples feel close to each other, and that comes from sharing many different things.
Respark the romance
Respark the romance

Intimacy is one thing that can keep a couple close even when they both have busy lives. Time together and having fun can inspire romance and a healthy sex life.
Consider having a weekly date night or a monthly weekend if you can.
Healthy couples have time daily where they can focus on each other.

4. Happy couples don’t expect each other to change

Happy couples don’t try to change each other.
That eliminates a lot of conflict, arguments, nagging, and unsatisfied expectations. Of course, you’re wondering how you can overlook all those things that annoy you.
Focus on the good instead. Compliment your partner when they do something you like.
The thing is, whatever you look for, you can find. So if you’re annoyed and on the lookout for negative things, you’ll find them. The same is true for good things. If you look for things to appreciate, you’ll start to see your partner in a more positive light.
If something truly bothers you, you should discuss it with your partner. But consider if it’s really a small issue that you’ve turned into something more, or if it’s a true issue.

5. Happy couples repair fights 

Happy couples have healthy communication. So when something is wrong, they’re more likely to talk to the other about it. They’ll also try to stay connected even if the issue isn’t completely resolved.
But that’s a big point: happy couples talk about real issue and work on them.
The opposite is to let things fester, or one partner is unwilling to talk about it. Sometimes one person will ignore issues and try to act like everything is fine, even when the other person wants to work on it. That doesn’t help things.
Happy couples repair the relationship by apologizing, reaching out, using an affectionate tone of voice, making positive comments, suggesting a fun activity together, and trying to show that they understand.
Happy couples see fights and arguments as temporary things, and they fix them and move on.

6. Happy couples have a sense of partnership

Many people see happy couples and feel a sense of jealousy. It’s often the closeness that they want, and a sense of partnership.
In unhealthy relationships, one or both people don’t consider how their decisions affect their partners.
People in happy relationships make decisions together, and both of them think about the relationship (the other’s feelings), their family, and their shared goals.
Another aspect of a sense of partnership is cultivating common interests.
Happy couples will find things they can do together along with encouraging each other with their own interests.
Let’s move on to 3 surprising things that many happy couples do.

7. Happy couples go to bed at the same time

When first together, couples spend their evenings together and usually go to bed together...excited for some time alone. Happy couples keep up that routine as much as possible.
Going to bed together gives you time to talk, cuddle, and continue a healthy sex life.

8. Happy couples walk side by side or holding hands

This doesn’t sound like a big deal, or something you’d even notice...until you see a couple that walks separately, one walking ahead of the other.
Happy couples make a point of walking together, talking, and touching.

9. Happy couples say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every day

We face tension and conflict many days, so it’s nice to start the day by connecting and feeling close to our partner.
Some couples might think they don’t need to say “I love you” but that can indicate an unresolved issue. Even skipping pleasantries like “have a good day” can mean there’s some issues, or at least that the couple isn’t showing thoughtfulness and care to each other.
Those little things matter, and they make a big difference in the happiness of both people.

10. Happy couples check in with each other during the day

It feels nice when someone asks how you’re doing or how your day is going.
It’s really nice when your partner checks in with you, even if it just lets you know they’re thinking about you. It has other benefits, too. Besides creating warmth and closeness, you can see how each other are doing. That way, you have an idea of how things are going before seeing each other in the evening.
If your partner is having a super rough day, you’ll know ahead of time. You can surprise them with a gift, cook dinner, or set aside some quiet time for them.
You won’t greet them, expecting them to be in a great mood and ready to listen to you about your day.
So it really pays off to check in with each other.
Happy couples create habits that keep them in sync and close, so both people can feel like their opinion and needs matter, and that they can depend on the other person.
It’s not that hard to develop habits like these, and they all will significantly improve your relationship.
Try out a few of these “happy couple” habits, and see how you and your partner are doing in a month. You’ll agree the effort doesn’t seem like work when you feel yourself smiling as you go home to see your partner!

respark the romance
Respark the romance

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

7 Ways To Tell You Have A Keeper | Respark The Romance

7 Ways To Tell You Have A Keeper By Brian Robbens

You met the person who makes your heart sing and your face hurt from smiling...
...but does that mean they’re a keeper?

Respark the romance
Respark the romance

Many people could make us happy, especially in the short term, but it’s harder to tell if the two of you will be compatible and happy together down the road.
Let me clarify upfront that no couple is 100% happy all of the time, because we all have small differences and will occasionally get on each other’s nerves. The important thing is that you’re in a relationship that makes you satisfied and happy in general—that makes you excited about life and sharing it.
Table Of Content:-
  • You can have fun together
  • You share some interests
  • You match up on big things
  • You complement each other
  • You Respect Each Other
  • You communicate
  • You work through the tough things

Let’s look at 7 signs that you are, indeed, with a true Keeper.

Sign #1: You can have fun together

This seems like a big “duh” at first. But look closer, and you’ll find that some couples actually don’t have fun together.
In the beginning, you  might have fun doing things together, but is it something both couples enjoy?
I’ve had many female friends who fell for a man, and thought that he liked doing things they did. It turns out the man was trying to impress her. The same goes for ladies. Women will go do things that they don’t enjoy just to spend time with their new man. Because they’re infatuated, they don’t care as much, and they see it as spending time together.
Aimee spent four months dating a man before she realized they actually didn’t do anything together besides eat out. That realization prompted her to ask “Rick” about his interests and what he liked to do for fun. It turns out they didn’t have anything that they both liked to do—not even close.
There are other couples who do things, but they fight and bicker, or spend the time on their phones instead of interacting. If your partner is a keeper, you’ll have some activities that you can share, and things that you both find fun.
Mark and Emily had a blast on their first date. They went to sushi and then out to play pool. The following dates were fun too, but soon after making it an official relationship, Emily no longer wanted to go out. When they did, she didn’t seem to enjoy it.
Having fun might sound silly, but it’s a critical component to any relationship.

Sign #2: You share some interests

Sharing interests will be a big help in having fun together.
Even if it’s going to an arcade and playing pinball, you should have some way to connect. You might both be into fitness, or cooking, or travel. Maybe you both like puzzles, chess, or video games.
If you’re lucky, you and your partner will have many shared interests so you have lots to talk about and do to together.
On the other end of the spectrum are couples like Heather and Jason, who had nothing in common. Heather was a nurse who liked sports. Jason wasn’t an active person, and he liked fixing up cars to race. They both had other interests, but there wasn’t anything they seemed to both like. They didn’t get involved in each other’s activities either.
After just two years together, they spent their evenings apart. She would play basketball while he went to a friend’s garage to tinker with an engine. 
They actually had a weekly date night, but it wasn’t enough to keep them together.
None of their interests matched up, and they grew apart.

Sign #3: You match up on big things

Our couple Heather and Jason had other problems too, which illustrates this point.
They didn’t really agree on beliefs. In the beginning, Jason “went along” with Heather’s religious beliefs for a little while, but he didn’t actually believe them.
They had different ideas about being healthy too.
On top of that, she was against any kind of drinking because her father had been an alcoholic while Jason was a beer drinker.
Neither of them were in the wrong, but having different (and strong) beliefs on things made it very hard for them to come together.
You need to match up on the big things to have a “keeper” relationship.
Many studies have found that relationships work out and are more successful when the two people match up on some key items.
You’re much more likely to be with a keeper if you have similar:
  • Beliefs
  • Values
  • Social status
  • Overall health
  • Education
  • Desire for children
  • Life goals

You don’t have to match exactly on everything, but the more items you’re different on, the more friction you’ll have.
It might not be a big deal if one person has a college degree while the other barely finished high school, but it could lead to problems with earning potential.
If one person is a health nut while the other one has health problems, or just doesn’t take care of themselves, it can cause problems.
It’s usually a huge issue if one person wants kids while the other doesn’t.
If you think you’re with a keeper, talk about the things that are important to you and see how you match up. If you’re different on some things, do you see ways to compromise or a way that both people can be happy with the outcome?
And if you’re crossing over to your partner’s way of doing things or thinking, will you be happy with that in 5 years? Or will you come to resent them?
It’s a big issue to think about.

Sign #4: You complement each other

While it’s important to “compliment” each other, i.e. say nice things, in this case I’m talking about complementing each other—you complete each other in some areas.
This is where opposites do attract. That saying is popular because it’s true.
We just discussed how important it is to agree on big issues. This doesn’t contradict that because it’s a different matter.
If you and your partner have all the same strengths and weaknesses, you won’t complement each other. You won’t help each other grow. But if you’re good at different things, and together your skill sets, talents, and knowledge work together, you’re like a super team.
The idea here is that you go together well. Your personalities work together, and you can offer something to the other person. A good example of this not working comes from Amanda and Jeff. They hit it off and everyone agreed they were soul mates.
They were so alike, how could they not be?
Well, it turned out that they were so alike that they got bored with each other quickly, even though things started out like some fairytale love story.

Sign #5: You Respect Each Other

A long term relationship involves many things like love, trust, and respect. You need that for when things do get hard, and you might resent your partner or grow bitter.
A keeper will respect you, and your beliefs, values, ideas, and opinions.
Even if you match up on the first 4 signs, it can be a huge problem if your partner will make jokes at your expense, interrupt you often, laugh at you, talk about you to others in a negative way, or treat you in any way that isn’t with respect.
One way to catch this one is if your partner often says, “I was only joking.” If they hurt you or put you down and add “I was only joking” that means they’re not respecting you. It’s not okay to hurt people and then call it a joke.

Sign #6: You communicate

A keeper will open up and share with you. And in a relationship, you’ll know what’s going on in their lives.
Life is so much easier with a partner who can articulate their emotions and thoughts, and it’s a huge plus when they can listen and really understand you.
Luckily people can learn to communicate better. In fact, we can learn new communication skills all through our life. So it’s important that your partner communicates and is open to improving communication skills.
You can be in a relationship with someone for some time and then learn that they communicate differently than you—and that will open new ways to connect.
If your partner values communication, you might be with a keeper.

Sign #7: You work through the tough things

What’s easier:
Stonewalling your partner while you complain about the issue to friends and coworkers, or... Talking to your partner about what’s bothering you and work through it?
Some of us will pick the first option if we’re honest.
We don’t want to bring up a touchy subject or do something that will result in confrontation. Other people will nitpick, make snarky remarks, and use sarcasm instead of talking through an issue. And some of us would rather just break up and start over with someone new than fix problems in a current relationship.
If you have a keeper, however, that person will be willing to hear you out when you need to talk, and will also speak up when things need changed.
A keeper will make a commitment to you through thick and thin.
If your partner meets these 7 signs, congratulations! You have a keeper.
If they’re close, you can always work on some things. You might have found a few things to work on yourself!

respark the romance
respark the romance